Jennifer. The strangest girl that I have EVER met in my life. She believes in vampires, and explained them to me once, and said some stuff like this- "There are two races of vampire. New blood and old blood..." and she went on, but I think I'll save you the trauma of hearing about them. Anyway, she was insane, and I have a small story to tell you.
Well, a few of you have laughed at my coaches, which is completely appropriate, because they are lazy, funny, and incompetent coaches. But, one of my best friends, Laurel, was making fun of one of them, doing a brilliant imitation, and I complimented her on it. She's like, "Yes, I'm pretty good at imitating people I don't like. Like, Jennifer for instance." And she then brought up this next story.
A few months ago, at the homecoming football game (yes, American football), we had this bright idea to call up this evil girl whom we all hated, who feared Jennifer, and get Laurel to imitate her. Things that came out at this conversation:
- Eve (as in Adam and Eve) went through menopause.
- Fig Newtons are the fruit of Satan.
- Fig Newtons and birth control are made in the same factory.
- The fruit in the garden of Adam and Eve (on the forbidden tree) were figs.
- Apples are sin in fruit form.
And many such others. Great, huh? Anyway, to continue...
Laurel, after her awesome Coach performance, went on to do another Jennifer impersonation that went sort of like this...
[in quiet, high-pitched, insane voice] "One day...I was walking down the street and...there was a piece of the grass. It started talking to me...it said, 'Feed me!'...and I was like, 'Feed you what?'...it was like...[long pause, then, in deep, frightening voice] 'HUMAN SOULS'!"
It was the funniest. It was the shit. Yeah, I said it. Anyway, thanks for reading...again. If you didn't think it was that funny...DIE.
edge.wright4@yahoo.comMSN: pauseplayskip2
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